How Do I Even Begin to Say Goodbye

I do not look forward to saying my goodbyes, but I feel my feet itching to reach the terminal and board the flight. As difficult and daunting as it is to imagine the next seven months of my life without my friends and family, I see the grand adventure awaiting me. Without risk, there would be no great reward. I have no certainty for what that reward may look like, but I rest assured that it will be worth every penny, every loss, and every moment I have dedicated to fulfilling my dream. Spreading my wings and preparing to soar across the sky gives me the anticipation for the brief moment of the feeling of freefall.

14 Days Left in America

Today marks the 2 week countdown before I leave for Chile. So much has happened in the past few months, and I've been strapped in on an emotional roller coaster. I am now looking forward to stepping into the plane and venturing toward this great new adventure that awaits me. Preparing to go by creating a facebook group, shopping for the things I still need, and attempting to tie up all my loose ends at home has been quite a bit of work, but I can see the light ahead. Once again, I am embarking on this journey with nothing to lose. I will spread my wings and pursue self discovery in a way few people are able.

The question most asked at this time is whether or not I am afraid, nervous, or worried, but I am not. I look forward to venturing into a new place with no one to rely on but Christ. There will be ups and downs along the way, but because of it, I will become more of the woman God has designed me to be.

Thank you to everyone who has been encouraging me along this journey already. A special shout out to my incredible parents who have been nothing but supportive and more than helpful. I love you both and will miss you so much!

Time Really Does Fly

Alright, I am exactly a month away from getting on a flight to go to Chile for 7-8 months. I'm filled with so many emotions right now that I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll begin with excitement. More and more, I'm seeing the potential of what this trip will be for my life. I know that I will come back a more well rounded person, more empathetic to others, and much closer with God than before. This trip being something that I've wanted and hoped for over the past few years is actually becoming reality to me. Daily, I pray that God uses me in a big way down there and allows me to be part of something big.

Everyone keeps asking if I'm afraid. I keep asking of what. It's definitely a little stressful not having all of the information for this trip yet. I don't know if I'll be allowed one check in luggage or two. I don't know if I need to pack for snow or summer. Don't even get me started on how on earth I'll bring my shoes! On the other hand, if I had my packing list, I'd already be packed....and then re-packed....and maybe re-packed some more! God definitely knows what He's doing by teaching me patience again.

God also threw a little curveball into the mix as well now that I have a boyfriend. My mom is happy since he's definitely given me the perfect reason to come home. It will be so difficult to be apart for 8 months, but he will be able to focus on beginning his career here while I focus on living out one of my dreams. Neither of us saw it coming, but we both see God's hand at work in us and our lives. Guess we'll be getting very good at Skype and email!

Well, as I work on my certification, I am finding out why they recommend 8 weeks to get it done. I've been working on it for around 4.5 weeks and I'm about half way finished. Between holidays, procrastination, and a new relationship, I've definitely found myself behind on my work, but I think hitting the one month point before I leave has given me the motivation to kick my butt into gear and get going again. Well, wish me luck!!

You Never Graduate from LU (Life University)

A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary… Thomas Carruthers

As you've read earlier, I am now preparing to become a volunteer English teacher in Chile. I am leaving January 5th and could not be more excited! In order to prepare, I have to become TEFL certified (Teaching English as a Foreign Language). About a week ago, I began my certification courses and have been struggling with the student mindset since. It must sound ridiculous being that I only graduated in May, but to go from "hahaha everyone else is in school and has to study" to "hey wanna meet up and study together" was definitely a change that I was not excited about. Fortunately, I have quite a few friends who are still in college or studying for other things in their life that enjoy meeting up at Panera, Starbucks, or other various locations. Unfortunately, Simi Valley is not well equipped for students who do not posses the ability to study in their home. When I lived in San Diego, I was very content to walk to the nearest coffee shop which was outfitted with several comfy chairs and plenty of plugs for my computer. I'm now on a search to find out where students go for a quiet study session  due to the fact that Panera and Starbucks are on constant chatter mode. And why shouldn't they be? People go there to have lunch too! 

As I go through my courses for my certification, I am doing my best to absorb the information in order to return it in essay form at the end of each module. For those of you who don't know me well, essays are not my favorite. I wouldn't say that I am bad at them, I just really don't enjoy them. Thankfully, so far, the essays I have been writing are mostly about my ideas and thoughts about how I will be teaching certain topics or concepts. NO RESEARCH NECESSARY!! It's fantastic not having to quote at least 10 sources for each essay like I did in college. =D

What is my status now, you ask? Well I leave in exactly 57 days, I am 15% finished with my certification, and I'm thankful I don't need any shots/immunizations. My struggles at this point: being patient as my essays are graded so I can move to the next module and figuring out how on earth I'm going to pack!!

I Promise to Not Come Back the Same

I'M GOING TO CHILE!!!!!

Great news!!! I have officially been accepted as a volunteer English teacher for BridgeTEFL's English Opens Doors Program, 2011!!!!! I received the email last night congratulating me and, to be completely honest, I started crying because I got so excited. I began my day by paying the remaining balance for the program (everyone's been asking how much I'm getting paid...I'm not, I'm paying them and I know it will be more than worth it!) As soon as I got off work, I booked my flight for only $513 (all of the other flights I found were over $600)! (I'm so excited about how many reward points I will be getting because of this trip!)

 

 Countdown Begins tonight at 61 days until Chile!


Official Flight Info:
Depart LAX: 1/5/2011 @7:55pm
Arrive Lima, Peru: 1/6/2011 @ 7:30am


Depart Lima, Peru: 1/6/2011 @10:42am
Arrive Santiago, Chile: 1/6/2011 @ 4:17pm
Total Trip Time: Approximately 15.5 hours

I will arrive in Chile and be transported to the home I will stay in for the duration of the orientation. This time will include 5 excursions around Santiago ranging from English camps for kids to sight seeing. Then, we will have 3 weeks of free time in which we can take Spanish classes, tour more of Santiago, learn to dance, etc. I am hoping to find a nice Chilean family to stay with during that time so I can save my money. Although, I have been told that hostels only cost around $10 a night! I will then be transported down to my designated school and new host family to prepare for classes to begin in March!

 I honestly cannot tell you how excited I am about this opportunity. Yes, I will definitely miss my friends and family back here in the States, but we will all have such wonderful times catching up when I get back!! The trip is scheduled to end on July 29th; however I am working on plans to travel for a month or so after in Argentina and maybe a few other countries. 

I find myself so very thankful for the opportunity to explore a part of the world that many do not get to experience. God has really shown me that He cares about the things I desire and when my heart's only concern is to pursue His will, then everything will work out to His glory.

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. I can't tell you enough how much I love and appreciate you!

What you learn from a 5 year old

So I spent the last weekend in San Diego babysitting my friend's 5 year old, Joshua. I used to live with my friend and her little boy and babysat him pretty often. I was so excited to spend the weekend with just him and me. We dropped his momma off at the airport Thursday night and kept telling him how special and exciting this was and how he should feel so ecstatic. Well this lasted about half of the drive home before he started getting a little sad. What did I do? I gave him the gummy worms his mom had given me in case something like this should happen. Well that perked him up again!

I could tell you all of the details of the weekend, but I'll spare you. Needless to say, we had a fantastic time and did a lot of really fun stuff (i.e. 101 Dalmatians play that my cousin, Riley was in, go to church, build radical forts and secret hideouts in the living room, build ramps for his monster trucks, etc.). What I would like to say though is how much appreciation I gained for mothers/parents in the short 72 hours that I was a temporary mom!! I didn't realize how much freedom you give up when you become a mom. The only time I felt like I had any choice in what I did was after he went to bed, and by that point, I was so exhausted from building forts in the living room, drawing/coloring, watching silly youtube videos, and getting him fed that all I wanted to do was go to sleep (at 8:30pm that is). Now don't get me wrong, I had a blast with this kid and love him like a nephew, but I guess I just never realized how much work it is to be on 24 hour duty. When I lived with them, I got to be the fun playful aunt type family member. I didn't have to deal with discipline or setting down rules or enforcing onces already in place (you know, the trivial ones, like don't touch a pot I just made rice in or hit me with your karate stick), his mom always dealt with that. I also didn't have to worry about him waking up every morning at 6:30 am as though an alarm had gone off, his mom always dealt with that. Also, do you know how much you need to bring when you take off for a day out of town?? I couldn't believe how many things I thought about and knew I had to bring. Guess I have good role models for that.

So this blog is to send out a thank you to all parents out there who realized that the day that kid was born, your life was no longer your own. I send kudos to all of you. However, this weekend has made me appreciate my ability to spend as long as I'd like in bed in the morning, tattle to a kid's parent rather than disciplining, and not counting toys after leaving each destination on a trip. I love all you parents for what you do and I know some day I will be in the boat of having the 24/7/365 job that is beyond rewarding and exhilarating, yet more exhausting than anything else!!! And when that day comes, I will be so thankful for my own little bundle of joy!! (But that won't be for several years!!)

From Chili's to Chile

As many know, I've recently applied to a program through BridgeTEFL called English Opens Doors Chile. This is a program with which I am hoping to volunteer to teach English for 6 months. Originally, my hope was to go for a full year, but due to unforeseeable developments, the longest amount of time offered is 6 months. To be honest, I freaked out a little bit when I found out about the program being cut. I felt like, all of a sudden, I was not in control anymore. Then I remembered, I never was in control! See, from the beginning, this has been God's mission for me and I was just responding. Somewhere between graduation and finishing my application, I got it into my head that it was all my idea and MY trip. Boy am I glad He reminded me who is really in control. It took me a few conversations with people who knew my problem of being a bit of a control freak to be reminded where I really stand in my life and where I want to stand: always under the protecting wing of my Savior. You may wonder where I am at with it all now. Well, I have officially applied and sent in all of my documents. I am waiting to hear about a phone interview which will hopefully tell me when I'll be able to book my flight. After being accepted, I will begin my certification, which I imagine will be quite time consuming but very rewarding in the long run. Above all else, I am content in waiting on the Lord. I don't know what may happen at the end of the 6 months. Maybe things will have changed and I'll be asked to stay for another semester. Maybe I'll get connected with a missions group. Maybe I'll travel for a few months around South America. Maybe it will be time for me to come back to the States and begin God's next project for me here. The point is, there are an infinite amount of possibilities for my future, and I am so happy to leave the planning of my life's path in God's strong and capable arms.
I promise to keep everyone posted on my status of going to Chile and everything else as new developments come. Thank you for your prayers, support, encouragement, and love!

Psalm 91:4-5 "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day."

Reflections for Mother's Day

Being home this past weekend for Mother's Day was absolutely amazing! It was also very interesting to hear different people's thoughts on my choices for post graduation. No one really seemed too surprised for me to make a choice such as moving away to South America to teach English for a year. I guess I've prepared people to expect the unexpected in my life. As I caught up with several family members and close friends this weekend, I felt slightly sad with the thought of leaving. 1) I have the most amazing family in the world. They are supportive, encouraging, hysterical, and loving people who can't wait to see what God has planned for my life after graduation. My cousins are all growing up and becoming young men and women which will be hard for me to miss out on for the year I'm gone. 2) I forgot how much I love my Simi friends! Sitting with Rachelle over breakfast and just talking about life, school, boys (or lack thereof), family, jobs, etc. made me excited to be home for a few months to enjoy such precious moments with people I hold so dear. 3) My parents are going to miss me. I know how conceited this may sound, but I don't mean it in that way. As I walked around the Aquarium of the Pacific with my parents, I realized how close of a bond I have with them and how much they value the relationships that we have. It will be hard to leave and not have the easy 3 hour drive to see them when I miss them too much. With all of that said, I am also very excited about my upcoming trip. Many people I have spoken to about my plans have put in their two cents about which country I should (or should not) go to as well as ways to stay safe and what not. I have now narrowed it down to Chile and Argentina. The search is far from complete and will not truly begin until after I am certified, but I feel myself daily drawn to look at airline prices and job posting sites. It seems unreal that I may have this type of opportunity in my life. Never once have I asked for an ordinary life. I've never asked for safety or predictability either. Maybe this is why God has planned this out. As I've said many times before, I don't know what God has planned or why He has those plans, but I am so excited to live the life He has set before me! Tonight was my last class of my college career. I will have two finals next week, a Dean's List ceremony, and graduation. Seems like just yesterday that I was sitting in The Best Little Hair House having my hair done by Geri who has been doing my hair since I was born, and we were talking about my upcoming move to San Diego and how exciting it was that I was going to break free and get the chance to design my own path. I have since come to realize that I want no part in the designing. I decide to leave that up to the Perfect Designer; however, I absolutely love living out the incredible opportunities He has set before me. Now, as I look graduation square in the face, I am again doing something that is different and unconventional. I am going to bed now with one thought: No Regrets. I purpose to live my life with no regrets. No matter what life's path holds, no matter what persecution or trials come my way I will live my life in a way that I can look back and regret nothing. One thing my dad said while I was home was "Under promise, over perform". I want to be that person. I want to be there for the people I love and really make a difference in their lives. For those who are starved for good role models, I want to be a vessel through which they see the Ultimate Role Model and how to serve Him with everything. I want to show love in a way that points to the Cross and Christ's life-saving blood.

Written to Be Unread

So my plan of keeping this blog updated while I was in Europe didn't pan out the way I had originally planned. However, I feel that now, as school is winding down and I am staring the future in the face in the center of life's cage match, writing something other than a research paper may be a good release. I finished my last project/presentation of my college career tonight in my Professional Communication class and walked out with an emotional ecstasy. I can'at believe that after 16 years (beginning in 1st grade since kindergarten was naps and recess) preparing to be a college graduate. Two and a half weeks until I will walk across that big stage with somewhere around 14 close friends and family watching as I step into the world of having a degree. It's quite surreal, really. The though of this feeling, the preparation to be in this moment used to scare me beyond all reason, but now that I am here, I don't feel afraid any more. This may be due to the fact that I am delaying my search for a career while I go and teach English in South America (this will be explained in further detail later). It also may be due to the fact that I realized my fears fell into categories in which I had no control. In other words, when I gave up trying to control and fully surrendered my life (past, present, and future) to God, I no longer found myself responsible for the outcome. Now, you may be wondering what I meant by teaching English in South America. Well, this past semester, I have spent numerous hours researching different jobs and internship opportunities. I applied with several companies in several positions, but it seemed as though every door shut firmly no matter how tightly I gripped on to it. I finally sat down and looked at the puzzle that is my life that God is building. In that, I remembered something very important: God already gave me the next piece of the puzzle. See, back when I was coming back from Europe this past summer, I felt God telling me to go to South America. I was very confused because I had a year left of school before I could even think about that kind of thing. I stuck that little puzzle piece in my back pocket and forgot about it until a few weeks ago while looking at my life puzzle. God reminded me about His plan for me in South America, and I began to pray consistently about the opportunity. For the few weeks after, God pressed it harder and harder on my heart. My pastor did a three week series on knowing the will of God and one thing He said is that "God gives us the desires of our hearts". This doesn't mean that God gives us what we want, but it means that God gave us passions and desires for a purpose...His purpose. Through my research, I rediscovered the idea of teaching English abroad and began to look at the options to do this in South America. I have since found a program to do the certification through. As soon as I finish with this, I will begin to apply for jobs in several countries in South America and wait to see where God leads. The school year begins in the beginning of March there so I plan to move no later than mid February (God willing!). I am so excited to see what God has in store for me, but I am learning to enjoy each step and each piece of my puzzle as it is revealed. I'm working on not missing out on the small things going on because I am too focused on the end goal. Through doing a few informational interviews this semester for a class, I was told by several respectable people: It is all about the journey to get to the goal...if you reach the goal, that is just icing on the cake. I'm going to grab life by the horns and welcome adversity. Nothing will stop me from leaving my mark on the world and making a difference!