Reflections for Mother's Day

Being home this past weekend for Mother's Day was absolutely amazing! It was also very interesting to hear different people's thoughts on my choices for post graduation. No one really seemed too surprised for me to make a choice such as moving away to South America to teach English for a year. I guess I've prepared people to expect the unexpected in my life. As I caught up with several family members and close friends this weekend, I felt slightly sad with the thought of leaving. 1) I have the most amazing family in the world. They are supportive, encouraging, hysterical, and loving people who can't wait to see what God has planned for my life after graduation. My cousins are all growing up and becoming young men and women which will be hard for me to miss out on for the year I'm gone. 2) I forgot how much I love my Simi friends! Sitting with Rachelle over breakfast and just talking about life, school, boys (or lack thereof), family, jobs, etc. made me excited to be home for a few months to enjoy such precious moments with people I hold so dear. 3) My parents are going to miss me. I know how conceited this may sound, but I don't mean it in that way. As I walked around the Aquarium of the Pacific with my parents, I realized how close of a bond I have with them and how much they value the relationships that we have. It will be hard to leave and not have the easy 3 hour drive to see them when I miss them too much. With all of that said, I am also very excited about my upcoming trip. Many people I have spoken to about my plans have put in their two cents about which country I should (or should not) go to as well as ways to stay safe and what not. I have now narrowed it down to Chile and Argentina. The search is far from complete and will not truly begin until after I am certified, but I feel myself daily drawn to look at airline prices and job posting sites. It seems unreal that I may have this type of opportunity in my life. Never once have I asked for an ordinary life. I've never asked for safety or predictability either. Maybe this is why God has planned this out. As I've said many times before, I don't know what God has planned or why He has those plans, but I am so excited to live the life He has set before me! Tonight was my last class of my college career. I will have two finals next week, a Dean's List ceremony, and graduation. Seems like just yesterday that I was sitting in The Best Little Hair House having my hair done by Geri who has been doing my hair since I was born, and we were talking about my upcoming move to San Diego and how exciting it was that I was going to break free and get the chance to design my own path. I have since come to realize that I want no part in the designing. I decide to leave that up to the Perfect Designer; however, I absolutely love living out the incredible opportunities He has set before me. Now, as I look graduation square in the face, I am again doing something that is different and unconventional. I am going to bed now with one thought: No Regrets. I purpose to live my life with no regrets. No matter what life's path holds, no matter what persecution or trials come my way I will live my life in a way that I can look back and regret nothing. One thing my dad said while I was home was "Under promise, over perform". I want to be that person. I want to be there for the people I love and really make a difference in their lives. For those who are starved for good role models, I want to be a vessel through which they see the Ultimate Role Model and how to serve Him with everything. I want to show love in a way that points to the Cross and Christ's life-saving blood.

Written to Be Unread

So my plan of keeping this blog updated while I was in Europe didn't pan out the way I had originally planned. However, I feel that now, as school is winding down and I am staring the future in the face in the center of life's cage match, writing something other than a research paper may be a good release. I finished my last project/presentation of my college career tonight in my Professional Communication class and walked out with an emotional ecstasy. I can'at believe that after 16 years (beginning in 1st grade since kindergarten was naps and recess) preparing to be a college graduate. Two and a half weeks until I will walk across that big stage with somewhere around 14 close friends and family watching as I step into the world of having a degree. It's quite surreal, really. The though of this feeling, the preparation to be in this moment used to scare me beyond all reason, but now that I am here, I don't feel afraid any more. This may be due to the fact that I am delaying my search for a career while I go and teach English in South America (this will be explained in further detail later). It also may be due to the fact that I realized my fears fell into categories in which I had no control. In other words, when I gave up trying to control and fully surrendered my life (past, present, and future) to God, I no longer found myself responsible for the outcome. Now, you may be wondering what I meant by teaching English in South America. Well, this past semester, I have spent numerous hours researching different jobs and internship opportunities. I applied with several companies in several positions, but it seemed as though every door shut firmly no matter how tightly I gripped on to it. I finally sat down and looked at the puzzle that is my life that God is building. In that, I remembered something very important: God already gave me the next piece of the puzzle. See, back when I was coming back from Europe this past summer, I felt God telling me to go to South America. I was very confused because I had a year left of school before I could even think about that kind of thing. I stuck that little puzzle piece in my back pocket and forgot about it until a few weeks ago while looking at my life puzzle. God reminded me about His plan for me in South America, and I began to pray consistently about the opportunity. For the few weeks after, God pressed it harder and harder on my heart. My pastor did a three week series on knowing the will of God and one thing He said is that "God gives us the desires of our hearts". This doesn't mean that God gives us what we want, but it means that God gave us passions and desires for a purpose...His purpose. Through my research, I rediscovered the idea of teaching English abroad and began to look at the options to do this in South America. I have since found a program to do the certification through. As soon as I finish with this, I will begin to apply for jobs in several countries in South America and wait to see where God leads. The school year begins in the beginning of March there so I plan to move no later than mid February (God willing!). I am so excited to see what God has in store for me, but I am learning to enjoy each step and each piece of my puzzle as it is revealed. I'm working on not missing out on the small things going on because I am too focused on the end goal. Through doing a few informational interviews this semester for a class, I was told by several respectable people: It is all about the journey to get to the goal...if you reach the goal, that is just icing on the cake. I'm going to grab life by the horns and welcome adversity. Nothing will stop me from leaving my mark on the world and making a difference!